Inner peace

I feel like writing out some of my thoughts. These are random and personal...they may not make sense.

One of the biggest struggles that I've been working on is the fight for peace. Fight for peace? yes. Can someone choose peace? Yes, I think so. I have formulated lists in my head of all sorts of things that make me feel angry, upset, hurt, and sad...they all are anti peace. If I let myself dwell on these things, I go down a path without hope and with discouragement.

Some people let their emotions just hang out there. In fact, our culture seems to believe and even encourage such behavior. We justify our lack of control by saying that we are not going to live "repressed" lives anymore. We justify ourselves by saying that we want "honesty".

I'm not against honesty.....however, there must be honesty with control and with civility. Those of us (I am including myself from past habits) who have lived our lives a little "unhinged" at times maybe felt justified in doing so. However, often wild and loose, uncontrolled emotion lands on the shoulders of someone else close by and can do damange.

Have you ever hurt someone with your uncontrolled emotions? Have you ever acted out of emotion and damaged a relationship?

An even harder question: Does a person need God to provide that control? Can a person learn to control their emotions, to act mature and calm without God's "peace"?

What am I doing to control my emotions? I am choosing NOT to act on them. When I feel angry, I am choosing not to act angry. When I feel jealous I am choosing not to act in a jealous way. There is unbelievable satisfaction in learning how to control some of these emotions.

Is this repression? Is it harmful for me to hold back from acting on the feelings I am having?

Don't get me wrong....I am not some stoic. Never will be. I am, however, trying to learn how to behave in a mature manner. It is a challenge.

After years of misplaced emotions, my husband and I are learning how to relate in better ways. I think we are making a lot of headway. It is exciting to be married to someone who is willing to change with you...do you know what I mean? Sometimes I see couples who look as if they are going to be stuck in old ruts forever. One of them just doesn't have the capacity to change. The other may want to learn new things, make their relationship better, try new things, etc., but the other just doesn't seem interested or capable of change. How disappointing is that?

I have discovered that my husband and I both are able to change and we won't settle for less. We are determined to grow together, to seek better things, and to spur each other on toward those things that will make us a stronger couple. We have talked a lot about this concept and have been excited to discover that we desire the same goal.

He doesn't want to be married to someone who won't try to grow and mature and I don't want to be married to someone who wants to stay in old ruts...we are compatible in this- and we are celebrating this new discovery.

Mind you, this isn't easy. We are very different people with different interests. However, we are working on using our differences to our advantage and not letting them become a source of great angst! We are a work in progress.

That is all I was wanting to get off my chest. If you can relate to anything, please comment. How do you find peace in the midst of chaos? How do you refrain from acting on emotions that could be harmful? How have you learned self-control? How do you relate to your spouse? Do you allow them to grow and change- and even encourage it?

Blessings on this Sunday.