I've barely shared this whole month. I found a song that motivated me to share more. Here is the YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YUxbDEPFiM
HERE ARE THE LYRICS~I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take. But since I came here felt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... I'm a young soul in this very strange world hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake. But why all this hate? Try to communicate finding trust and love is not always easy to make. la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... This is a happy end cause' you don't understand everything you have done why's everything so wrong this is a happy end come and give me your hand I'll take your far away. [Refrain]: I'm a new soul I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit about how to give and take but since I came here felt the joy and the fear finding myself making every possible mistake la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la... la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la....
This song says it all for me. It is hard to find my way sometimes.....learning to give and take, making mistakes, learning to trust and love, learning what is true and fake....AWESOME SONG!!!
I don't know how much people really think about their lives, but I do a lot of thinking. This past month has been about changes, about letting go, and about pulling every bit of good out of each day.
We sold our house and bought a new one. All of it is very exciting- and also stressful. We will be moving the end of May.
For the first time, I may also be sending one or both of my children to school. It is a thought that I wrestle with. What is best for THEM. Not for ME, but THEM.
In the midst of moving and my children going off to school, I would also be going back to work. What else, you may ask???? I don't know. I know I can't handle much more than that. Major life changes.
One thing I DO know is that I can change and have the ability to adapt greatly. This is always underestimated and almost never apprecited by others, but it is a gift that I thank God for. It has saved my marriage and my own sanity.
I find each day a balancing act- a balance of past emotions, hurts, pain, memories..and a balance of hope, good thoughts, and things that are lovely.....
It is my goal to keep the balance of good and positive greater than all the rest. Is this just accomplished naturally in people who are more optimistic? Maybe. I do know it is a daily battle of the mind for me. I don't think of this being due to innate negativity...I want to view it as being characterisitc of the thoughtful and serious. Maybe it is my own spin.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Inner peace
I feel like writing out some of my thoughts. These are random and personal...they may not make sense.
One of the biggest struggles that I've been working on is the fight for peace. Fight for peace? yes. Can someone choose peace? Yes, I think so. I have formulated lists in my head of all sorts of things that make me feel angry, upset, hurt, and sad...they all are anti peace. If I let myself dwell on these things, I go down a path without hope and with discouragement.
Some people let their emotions just hang out there. In fact, our culture seems to believe and even encourage such behavior. We justify our lack of control by saying that we are not going to live "repressed" lives anymore. We justify ourselves by saying that we want "honesty".
I'm not against honesty.....however, there must be honesty with control and with civility. Those of us (I am including myself from past habits) who have lived our lives a little "unhinged" at times maybe felt justified in doing so. However, often wild and loose, uncontrolled emotion lands on the shoulders of someone else close by and can do damange.
Have you ever hurt someone with your uncontrolled emotions? Have you ever acted out of emotion and damaged a relationship?
An even harder question: Does a person need God to provide that control? Can a person learn to control their emotions, to act mature and calm without God's "peace"?
What am I doing to control my emotions? I am choosing NOT to act on them. When I feel angry, I am choosing not to act angry. When I feel jealous I am choosing not to act in a jealous way. There is unbelievable satisfaction in learning how to control some of these emotions.
Is this repression? Is it harmful for me to hold back from acting on the feelings I am having?
Don't get me wrong....I am not some stoic. Never will be. I am, however, trying to learn how to behave in a mature manner. It is a challenge.
After years of misplaced emotions, my husband and I are learning how to relate in better ways. I think we are making a lot of headway. It is exciting to be married to someone who is willing to change with you...do you know what I mean? Sometimes I see couples who look as if they are going to be stuck in old ruts forever. One of them just doesn't have the capacity to change. The other may want to learn new things, make their relationship better, try new things, etc., but the other just doesn't seem interested or capable of change. How disappointing is that?
I have discovered that my husband and I both are able to change and we won't settle for less. We are determined to grow together, to seek better things, and to spur each other on toward those things that will make us a stronger couple. We have talked a lot about this concept and have been excited to discover that we desire the same goal.
He doesn't want to be married to someone who won't try to grow and mature and I don't want to be married to someone who wants to stay in old ruts...we are compatible in this- and we are celebrating this new discovery.
Mind you, this isn't easy. We are very different people with different interests. However, we are working on using our differences to our advantage and not letting them become a source of great angst! We are a work in progress.
That is all I was wanting to get off my chest. If you can relate to anything, please comment. How do you find peace in the midst of chaos? How do you refrain from acting on emotions that could be harmful? How have you learned self-control? How do you relate to your spouse? Do you allow them to grow and change- and even encourage it?
Blessings on this Sunday.
One of the biggest struggles that I've been working on is the fight for peace. Fight for peace? yes. Can someone choose peace? Yes, I think so. I have formulated lists in my head of all sorts of things that make me feel angry, upset, hurt, and sad...they all are anti peace. If I let myself dwell on these things, I go down a path without hope and with discouragement.
Some people let their emotions just hang out there. In fact, our culture seems to believe and even encourage such behavior. We justify our lack of control by saying that we are not going to live "repressed" lives anymore. We justify ourselves by saying that we want "honesty".
I'm not against honesty.....however, there must be honesty with control and with civility. Those of us (I am including myself from past habits) who have lived our lives a little "unhinged" at times maybe felt justified in doing so. However, often wild and loose, uncontrolled emotion lands on the shoulders of someone else close by and can do damange.
Have you ever hurt someone with your uncontrolled emotions? Have you ever acted out of emotion and damaged a relationship?
An even harder question: Does a person need God to provide that control? Can a person learn to control their emotions, to act mature and calm without God's "peace"?
What am I doing to control my emotions? I am choosing NOT to act on them. When I feel angry, I am choosing not to act angry. When I feel jealous I am choosing not to act in a jealous way. There is unbelievable satisfaction in learning how to control some of these emotions.
Is this repression? Is it harmful for me to hold back from acting on the feelings I am having?
Don't get me wrong....I am not some stoic. Never will be. I am, however, trying to learn how to behave in a mature manner. It is a challenge.
After years of misplaced emotions, my husband and I are learning how to relate in better ways. I think we are making a lot of headway. It is exciting to be married to someone who is willing to change with you...do you know what I mean? Sometimes I see couples who look as if they are going to be stuck in old ruts forever. One of them just doesn't have the capacity to change. The other may want to learn new things, make their relationship better, try new things, etc., but the other just doesn't seem interested or capable of change. How disappointing is that?
I have discovered that my husband and I both are able to change and we won't settle for less. We are determined to grow together, to seek better things, and to spur each other on toward those things that will make us a stronger couple. We have talked a lot about this concept and have been excited to discover that we desire the same goal.
He doesn't want to be married to someone who won't try to grow and mature and I don't want to be married to someone who wants to stay in old ruts...we are compatible in this- and we are celebrating this new discovery.
Mind you, this isn't easy. We are very different people with different interests. However, we are working on using our differences to our advantage and not letting them become a source of great angst! We are a work in progress.
That is all I was wanting to get off my chest. If you can relate to anything, please comment. How do you find peace in the midst of chaos? How do you refrain from acting on emotions that could be harmful? How have you learned self-control? How do you relate to your spouse? Do you allow them to grow and change- and even encourage it?
Blessings on this Sunday.
Friday, February 29, 2008
For sale
I am completely distracted. We have made the decision to put our house up for sale. Our house is about 30 years old. It is the time when everything is falling apart and needing to be replaced. I am getting estimates on basic repairs, sorting, cleaning and organizing. It is hard work, but I feel so good about the end result.
I love efficiency. I love things to be neat and orderly. I don't go overboard (by whose standard??I don't know...)- I keep the chaos away just enough to be normal and not compulsive!
One show that our family has been watching is Monk. My Martha, especially, is hooked on it. It is a mystery/crime solving show with a few funny quirks. While no one has all of Monk's quirks there is probably at least one of his habits that you can relate to.
I don't know how this happened, but Martha has "thing" about touching dirt or dirty things. She would rather wear gloves or not touch those things at all. I realized this recently. I have no problem touching anything dirty...I cleaned dirty diapers for heaven's sake..why would I freak over anything else? Well, she does. She has been completely uncomfortable cleaning after her rabbit and after our dog. She does not like to even handle dirty garbage sacks. I'm not writing this to make fun of her. It is just an interesting quirk in our family and I enjoy our differences.
Do you have any weird quirks in your family?
Poor Buddy has been sick these past couple of days. He has been more tired with a stuffed up head and sore throat. It hasn't been enough to really lay him flat, but he is just not as peppy. We have been spared a lot of illness over the past few months. (compared to many of our friends) I hope it continues!
Back to the grindstone!
I love efficiency. I love things to be neat and orderly. I don't go overboard (by whose standard??I don't know...)- I keep the chaos away just enough to be normal and not compulsive!
One show that our family has been watching is Monk. My Martha, especially, is hooked on it. It is a mystery/crime solving show with a few funny quirks. While no one has all of Monk's quirks there is probably at least one of his habits that you can relate to.
I don't know how this happened, but Martha has "thing" about touching dirt or dirty things. She would rather wear gloves or not touch those things at all. I realized this recently. I have no problem touching anything dirty...I cleaned dirty diapers for heaven's sake..why would I freak over anything else? Well, she does. She has been completely uncomfortable cleaning after her rabbit and after our dog. She does not like to even handle dirty garbage sacks. I'm not writing this to make fun of her. It is just an interesting quirk in our family and I enjoy our differences.
Do you have any weird quirks in your family?
Poor Buddy has been sick these past couple of days. He has been more tired with a stuffed up head and sore throat. It hasn't been enough to really lay him flat, but he is just not as peppy. We have been spared a lot of illness over the past few months. (compared to many of our friends) I hope it continues!
Back to the grindstone!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Two weeks?
I can't believe it has been almost two weeks since I last wrote. Ugh! I can't keep anything going it seems.
What has happened? Hmmmmm??
We are seriously considering buying a townhome. It is decision time and I feel a little confused. I can think of pros and cons to the whole deal and have confusing emotions to add to it all. It is a beautiful new townhome...laminate flooring with Maple cupboards and trim...lovely rooms and views. It is all very nice. What could be a con? Well, Buddy would be moving from friends. I like these friends and have come to trust their families, so it makes it really tough. I also will be the one to do almost all the work to make this move happen...it makes me pause. Am I ready for all that?
Considering this move is just the beginning. We are also considering putting the kids in school next fall, and if that happens I will also probably go back to work. So...moving, school, work...none of it will be easy on me. I know that for sure. All of it would take place within about a 6 month time frame, too. Ugh!
I am just sharing some of the surface issues...life has been more complex than even all that.
What has been going well lately? Buddy and Martha have almost completed their Basketball course. They have been learning a lot and are having fun. They are also doing well in their studies. I couldn't ask for better students!!!
Buddy is in a Nerf craze. He has been shooting his Nerf guns all over the house and at everybody. Some of his guns shoot hard enough to leave a mark! Martha has been crocheting up a storm. She is working on a scarf now, but has been making hanger covers, among other things. She carries a basket around that is loaded with yarn, a scissors, and her crochet hooks and knitting needles. I have no idea where she gets all this creative talent- it is not from me!!
We had a scare with Hodge Podge's Friend a couple of weeks ago. He consumed a LARGE amount of chocolate and spent about 24 hours vomitting it all up. It was all dark chocolate. He tore through Dove wrappers to get to it. It was my mistake and a big one. I'm surprised he is alive today.
While I don't like to complain, I have to say this cold winter weather has outworn its welcome. I am ready for it to GO! I became cold to the core just taking out the garbage this morning. It was colder than -10. That is just nuts!!!
What should I do today? I have errands, laundry, some bills sitting around....what sounds good? I hope your day is more exciting than that. :o) It will have to do, I guess.
Blessings!
What has happened? Hmmmmm??
We are seriously considering buying a townhome. It is decision time and I feel a little confused. I can think of pros and cons to the whole deal and have confusing emotions to add to it all. It is a beautiful new townhome...laminate flooring with Maple cupboards and trim...lovely rooms and views. It is all very nice. What could be a con? Well, Buddy would be moving from friends. I like these friends and have come to trust their families, so it makes it really tough. I also will be the one to do almost all the work to make this move happen...it makes me pause. Am I ready for all that?
Considering this move is just the beginning. We are also considering putting the kids in school next fall, and if that happens I will also probably go back to work. So...moving, school, work...none of it will be easy on me. I know that for sure. All of it would take place within about a 6 month time frame, too. Ugh!
I am just sharing some of the surface issues...life has been more complex than even all that.
What has been going well lately? Buddy and Martha have almost completed their Basketball course. They have been learning a lot and are having fun. They are also doing well in their studies. I couldn't ask for better students!!!
Buddy is in a Nerf craze. He has been shooting his Nerf guns all over the house and at everybody. Some of his guns shoot hard enough to leave a mark! Martha has been crocheting up a storm. She is working on a scarf now, but has been making hanger covers, among other things. She carries a basket around that is loaded with yarn, a scissors, and her crochet hooks and knitting needles. I have no idea where she gets all this creative talent- it is not from me!!
We had a scare with Hodge Podge's Friend a couple of weeks ago. He consumed a LARGE amount of chocolate and spent about 24 hours vomitting it all up. It was all dark chocolate. He tore through Dove wrappers to get to it. It was my mistake and a big one. I'm surprised he is alive today.
While I don't like to complain, I have to say this cold winter weather has outworn its welcome. I am ready for it to GO! I became cold to the core just taking out the garbage this morning. It was colder than -10. That is just nuts!!!
What should I do today? I have errands, laundry, some bills sitting around....what sounds good? I hope your day is more exciting than that. :o) It will have to do, I guess.
Blessings!
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